In the early 90’s, Deepak Chopra was becoming well-known as a physician at the forefront of the mind-body healing.  His best sellers, Perfect Health and Quantum Healing were discovered by those facing disease. I was working at the Maharishi Ayurvedic Health Center in Lancaster, Massachusetts where I’d get calls almost every day for two years from people facing a variety of chronic and life-threatening conditions: heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, Lou Gehrig’s disease, Parkinson’s, chronic fatigue, and cancer among many other ailments., “I need an appointment with Dr. Chopra; he’s the only one that can help me now.”

Deepak was known for his natural approach to healing called Ayurveda (pronounced eye-yur-vay-dah), defined as the science of life and longevity. It’s an ancient practice from India for reducing stress and bringing the body back into balance. Ayurvedic approaches to health include meditation, yoga, dietary guidelines, living in tune with nature’s rhythms, aromatherapy, herbal supplements, massage, and purification therapies. I was totally immersed in all of those practices, which was the reason I began to work at the center with him to begin with.

Back then, I could easily speak to people about the mind/body approaches to healing, but when callers confided in me that they had cancer, I have to admit, the c-word intimidated me. I’d seen many people arrive at the center as a last ditch effort to fight their disease. They arrived hopeful, yet in a weakened state after rounds and rounds of chemotherapy, radiation treatments, and surgery.  And though the program certainly did help some recover, in my mind, cancer was often equated with death.

I rarely identify myself as a cancer survivor. But that’s what I am.  At the age of 31, I was one of the directors who had opened the Chopra Center in California, and had a new doctor. On our first visit, she was suspicious of a lump on my neck. She did a needle biopsy, and a few days later, called me at work. She gave me the news: I would need surgery to remove a cancerous tumor.  Instantly, I went from peacefully working at my desk, to being someone who had to deal with cancer.  I didn’t feel different physically – but I was confused, scared, and began to cry.

It turns out that I had been living with cancer for years.  I sought out a job with Deepak Chopra without even knowing this cancer was slowly growing in my body. When I found out, I felt fortunate that I could walk down to his office and ask for a help.  Perhaps he could give me a mantra, a special word, to create a healing vibration. I believed in that.

Deepak, or Dr. Chopra as I called him, sat behind his desk and told me that I should get surgery. “I’ll teach you a healing mantra, but you’ll need surgery too.” He went on to say that although there are documented, spontaneous remissions, they are rare and certainly not guaranteed.  That is why they are spontaneous. In fact, it takes quite a while for the physiology to catch up with and reflect inner health and expanded awareness. “Don’t wait for your body to catch up with your awareness, get the tumor removed right away,” he insisted.

I was able to take a leave of absence from work. I wanted to wait a little while to see if I could naturally get rid of this cancer.  I continued to meditate twice a day to address the mental and emotional stress and whatever stress caused the cancer. Meditation also helped me to become more cognizant about what I was feeling emotionally, what I was thinking about, and what I was paying attention to. I began to easily direct my attention in and out of meditation.

At the time, visualization was a popular approach for cancer patients. I started the practice of visualizing armies of white blood cells arriving, attacking, and overcoming the cancer.  I imagined cancer as a small, easily squashed creature being lanced by white blood cells (white knights on horses). I imagined the cancer being attacked by tiny bullets of energy.

One evening as I lay in bed visualizing, it dawned on me that “fighting” the cancer felt like a war in my body and mind.  It made me afraid and anxious – the opposite of peaceful. I remembered that when one is at peace, the immune system is more respondent.  In that moment, I decided to make a shift. I would try to love the cancer – and if possible, love the cancer cells back to wholeness. I focused on the area of the tumor and sent radiant, loving awareness to that area. Almost instantly I felt a warmth and a sense of peace.  My energy completely shifted. My breathing changed and I felt harmonious.  No more fighting cancer.  I learned to love it. I wasn’t giving up; I simply had to accept reality.

Along with loving the situation, I fell in love with my life, my emotions, and my body.  I also began to practice mindfulness. Whenever I noticed I was projecting into the future or wishing things were different, I would bring my attention back to what I was doing and feeling in that moment. Sometimes I would simply focus on the breath. It was truly spiritual for me: appreciating each moment. This practice of present-moment awareness helped me to feel a closer connection to the creator.

I wihs I could write that I was magically cured and didn’t need further treatment, but that was not the case. Instead, I choose surgery a few months later, and used these same techniques of sending love to my body and practicing mindfulness to face and quickly recover from the surgery.

My healing was complete. I no longer was afraid of cancer or disease: mine or anyone else’s. I knew that dis-ease meant the body was crying out for love in some way. Directing my awareness with love and being present and appreciating each moment are powerful healing practices which I continue to do to this day.

Sarah McLean is the director of the McLean Meditation Institute and leads meditation classes, self-discovery retreats, and teacher training programs. You can reach her at (805) 770-8188.