It’s an understatement to say this is a very challenging time. And I believe it is a call for each of us to wake up to who we are and how we can best take care of ourselves. 

There are polarizing and differing opinions about many issues these days including politics, medical interventions, personal choice, personal responsibility, vaccines, school safety, and mask-wearing. As I have been doing for 30 years, I want to continue to host in-person retreats and events while trying to make everyone happy. Though as a teacher, I know it is not my job to try to get everyone to think alike, like you or I do. Or to get them to behave like I or you would want them to.

I realize that trying to change the minds of others when it comes to beliefs about their health (or anything else for that matter!) is not within my control.

Not only is it impossible to change people’s minds, it causes me TOO much stress, and likely you, too. That’s why I teach meditation so that hearts can be opened, and people can be awakened to their OWN integrity, which I know is different for each one of us. Challenges like the ones we face in today’s “pandemic culture” are great opportunities to put self-inquiry into play. What is true for me? What is my integrity? Should I try to pretend that, “It’s all good” even if it actually isn’t for me? (Read my post on Spiritual Bypass) 

I find it very peaceful to understand my own beliefs, convictions, integrity, as well as the true meaning of personal responsibility.

For instance, I get to decide how I live my life and the choices I make. Just like you get to decide how you will live your life and make the choices you make. Ultimately, it is MY ability to respond (responsibility) that will help me to choose and navigate the various situations and circumstances. And just like you, I get to say yes and no and mean it. And when I do align my choices with my inner knowing, I find it more peaceful.

Since I was in my 30s I’ve been using my personal (internal) guidance system (PGS) for this. So far, it hasn’t steered me wrong.  This is what I have learned:

When presented with any challenging circumstance we have choices:  

• We can choose to see a challenge as an opportunity for spiritual growth.
• We can choose to take responsibility for our feelings rather than blame someone else for them.
• We can choose to take responsibility for our choices rather than blame others for theirs.
• We can choose to stay or leave, while refraining from judging others who make a different choice.
• We can choose to see the common humanity in each person, or judge those who don’t think like we do.
• We can choose to say yes and no from our own PGS rather than trying to please another person and regret it later.

It isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to make me feel safe. That’s my job. 

When I believe that I am unsafe, it can be scary. If there are situations I find myself in that I don’t like, I can choose (for the most part) whether I want to stay in that situation or not. It’s a little like what I teach in regard to the three choices when facing discomfort in meditation: each of these choice below is an appropriate response for someone at some point. And each one is perfectly integrated and enlightened.

• Explore it. (What is it? Where does it arise from? How does it feel? Stay with it.)
• Ignore it. (Pay attention to something else you have chosen over and above the discomfort.)
• Move. (Find more comfort in movement – moving your attention or your body. This could even mean to leave!)

William Shakespeare wrote, “To thy own self be true.”

When we violate our own feelings about what’s right and what we should be doing, we shut down, and turn away from who we really are and life itself. It’s sometimes hard, because many of us have all kinds of internal programming, such as, “put everyone else first,” or, “What will they think of me?” But going by unquestioned conditioning isn’t always the best way to make a decision for yourself.

To have integrity means that you are self-aware, accountable, responsible, and truthful and your actions are internally consistent. Yes, there are potential consequences for each of us as we stand firm in our integrity, and making choices that align with it. You might lose a job, you might lose friends, you might be ridiculed or ostracized. Yes, that is what can and does happen.

That’s why I like to remember the Four Agreements: Always do your best, Speak your truth, Don’t make assumptions, and Don’t take anything personally.

“There are three kinds of business, mine, yours, and God’s,” says my friend and teacher Byron Katie.

My business: How I choose to live, what I choose to wear, my convictions, how I take care of my health, who I vote for, what I think, what I think of you, how I care for you.

Your business: How you choose to live, what you choose to wear, your convictions, how you take care of your health, who you vote for, what you think, what you think of me, how you care for me.

God’s business: What the weather’s like, whether there will be a pandemic, when I will live and die, what will happen next, how he/she/they takes care of me.

I believe that when I choose to stay in my own business, and make decisions based on that, it is the most peaceful way to live.

This is what we at MMI send out to those seeking to join us at an in-person event: 

“If you commit to joining us in person for any program at the studio, it’s with the understanding that you are assuming complete responsibility for your health and safety during our time together. Because it seems that anyone can get or spread the various corona viruses, our staff will keep the windows and doors wide open whenever possible, and will be responsible for sanitizing the venue. MMI and Montecito Meditation do not mandate vaccines, masks, or any personal protocols. However, you are welcome to wear a mask, distance yourself physically, or do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.  On the first day of our program, a self-administered COVID test will be required. These test kits will be provided to you at no cost (https://ihealthlabs.com/) Unfortunately, if you do test positive, you will not be able to attend the program, and we cannot offer any refunds. Be sure you get travel insurance that will cover you in event this happens.  Your health is completely your responsibility. I’ll be sending you a waiver that you can read and sign to that effect.”

Above all, I might add, it’s important to be kind to yourself when making a choice. There is no “one size fits all.” It’s important that each one of us respects another person’s choice. 

Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash