Some students ask me if affirmations for self-love work. I say, try them! If nothing else, they can help you to become more aware of how you feel about yourself.

Let’s work with one now and notice what happens when you say to yourself, “I love and approve of myself.”

Say it again. Notice if a doubting inner voice jumps right in to oppose the statement.

Saying affirmations isn’t only about feeling better, it is about becoming more self-aware and noticing what gets in the way of loving yourself. Some of us walk around with a myriad of self-defeating thoughts—you know, the thoughts that make you lose faith in yourself and in others. They play in a loop, and with each repetition they are affirmed, creating a well-worn neuronal highway in your brain. But you can change all that by changing what you focus on.

One way to get off the highway of negativity toward yourself is by taking your attention off of negative thoughts and replacing them with thoughts that support your happiness. For instance, you can replace a negative mindset with affirmations such as: I am enough, I appreciate my life, I have enough, and I am content.

By repeating affirmations, you not only create a new mental habit, but also reframe your entire perspective.

Some affirmations can remind you (re-mind—get it?) that you are enough and there is enough for everyone. There is more than enough attention, opportunity, trust, and love in this world for everyone—and that includes you. All you have to do is pay attention and affirm it.  Affirmations are a great way to develop self-compassion.

Choosing Affirmations: To get the most out of an affirmation, the key is to use short, positive statements in the present tense (not the future).

• I am free, beautiful, and wise.
• The light in me is the same as the light in all beings.
• I am here for you.
• Love lives through me, as me, and calls me forth to live my greatest life.
• I lovingly accept myself as I am right now.
• I trust in my ability to take care of myself.
• I walk with a smile on my heart.
• The universe is conspiring to enlighten me.
• My evolution is undeniable.
• I am lovable just the way I am.
• I am kind, loving, and present.
• Life loves me.
• I take responsibility for my life and the way I see the world.
• I forgive myself when I make a mistake.
• I speak my truth.
• I choose nourishing relationships.
• I am healthy, whole, and loved.

Though most affirmations are noted in the present moment and in a positive way, some affirmations are stated as commitments that you intend to live by, like making a vow. For instance:

• I will never leave you.
• I shall not criticize myself.
• I shall not criticize others.
• I shall be kind to others without sacrificing my own needs.
• I shall regularly give thanks for all of my blessings.

How Affirmations Work:

Louise Hay, one of the first women to speak of the power of affirmations said, “When you begin to say an affirmation to yourself, all the negative messages come to the surface, and then you get to see what’s in your way of loving yourself.”

Using affirmations can be a deep personal exploration, one where you notice reactions you have when you say them to yourself. Become aware of those affirmations that you think are impossible, or those you completely deny,  or those that bring an uncomfortable emotional response. Notice what you believe to be true instead, and truly inquire into it. For instance, is your negative self-talk just a bad habit? Is it what gives you permission not to be the best you can be? Ask yourself, “what do I gain from having this negative belief about myself?” And, “Who would I be if I didn’t believe the thought?”

When you use affirmations, you are rewiring your mindset. You are learning to see yourself and your behavior differently. With repetition, you are able to make the changes. What you put your attention on will grow in your life. There are so many ways that affirmations can be used powerfully and effectively to give you a more positive, creative outlook and to help you achieve specific goals.

A word of caution: do not use affirmations in such a way that you contradict your true feelings. Do not use it when you are feeling upset or strongly negative or it will feel like you are repressing your emotions. Instead, use affirmations to help yourself become aware of and change your unconscious negative speech patterns, mental habits, and underlying assumptions.

Using Affirmations:

Most of us look in the mirror every day. When you do, notice what negative dialogue pops up automatically. Now, practice saying an affirmation aloud to yourself while looking at yourself in the mirror. Look yourself right in the eyes and affirm your beauty, how loveable you are, and your worthiness.

If you feel discomfort as you say these to yourself, stay with the sensations and continue the practice until you are fully able to experience loving yourself while gazing into your own eyes. If you feel uncomfortable, stick with it until you transcend the barriers and are able to fully experience seeing yourself with love. You may find that some emotion arises and is released through this process.

Here are some other ways to use affirmations:

During the Day 

• Say them to yourself silently right before you meditate, or just as you are coming out of meditation.
• Say them to yourself silently or aloud throughout the day, whenever you think of it, especially while driving, doing housework, or other routine tasks. You can also say them to yourself before you go to bed, or when you wake up.
• Throughout your day turn your attention to your internal dialogue and notice what you say to yourself. How are you treating yourself? If you find you are not being self-compassionate, you can offset your negative self-talk by saying affirmations.
• Imagine you are talking to yourself as a child and have that sweet caring attitude that you already offer to so many people and pets.
• Be sure to say the affirmations sincerely and meaningfully, even if you feel a little silly at first.

Write them Out

• Write out an affirmation 10 or 20 times in succession and really think about the words as you write them. Change the affirmation as you go along if you find a better way to say it.
• Write or type out affirmations and past them up in various places around your house or at your job as reminders. Good places to post them: on the refrigerator, your phone, your mirror, your desktop, over your bed, on the dining table.

Invite a Friend to Help

• We often hear what our friends say more clearly than what we tell ourselves. Find a friend who wants to work on affirmations as well. Sit facing each other, look into each other’s eyes, and take turns saying affirmations to each other and accepting them. Repeat it this way several times.

Victoria: “Linda, you are a beautiful, loving, and creative person.”
Linda: “Thank you! I feel that way too.”
Repeat this 10 or 15 times the same way, then switch partners so that Linda says the affirmation to Victoria. Then try it in the first person:
Linda: “I, Linda, am a beautiful, loving, and creative person.”
Victoria: “Yes, you are, Linda.”

• Ask your friends to say affirmations to you frequently. For example, if you want to affirm that you are learning to express yourself more easily, you might ask a good friend to say to you often, “Juanita, you are truly speaking out and expressing yourself clearly these days!”
• You can also ask a friend to catch you when you affirm something that isn’t helpful, such as some habitual statements we might make such as, “I’m so stupid.” “I’m a loser.” I had a friend that often would interrupt me and say, “Don’t say that about my friend” (She meant me!)
• Include affirmations in your conversations – making strong positive statements about things and people (including yourself) that you want to see in a more positive way. It’s amazing what dramatic changes can be made in your life by just beginning to consciously speak more positively in daily conversation.
• Be sure to say “Thank you,” when someone gives you a compliment.

Singing and chanting

One way to gently sneak affirmations in and get around the automatic critical inner voice is to sing along when you hear a love song on the radio.

The old Billy Joel tune, “Just the Way You Are,” was a favorite when I was in high school. Back then I played it over and over again holed up in my bedroom, imagining someone singing it to me. And that habit continued as a young adult. It made me hope and pray I was loveable, but eventually just became a sad song.

When I started using affirmations, instead feeling bad that I had no one to love or to love me, I began to sing along softly to myself. At first, it felt silly, but I did it anyway. And then it began to feel good. I changed the pronouns and sang the words to myself. I was loving me, just the way I am. It made me realize how far I’d come from the young girl who was so desperate to have someone, anyone, tell her they loved her, just the way she was.

A large part of our present consciousness has been formed by popular music which creates a reality in which we feel hopelessly dependent on our lover, and would die if they left us, or wonder if life is worth living if we can’t “have” a certain person, and so on.

Here are some more tips:

• Make a point of learning songs that affirm the reality you would like to create for yourself; listen to them and sing them often.
• Make up your own songs or simple chants using the affirmations you want to work with.
• Record your affirmations and play them to yourself around the house, while driving, etc. Use your name, and try doing them in the first, second, and third persons. For example, “I, Sarah, am deeply relaxed and centered in myself.” “Sarah, you are deeply relaxed and centered in yourself.” “Sarah is deeply relaxed and centered in herself.”

There’s a Native American legend that illustrates the power of attention. An old man is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he says to the boy. “It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, appreciation, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person too.”

The grandson thinks about it and asks, “Grandfather, which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee replies, “The one you feed.”

You will soon be so attuned to your mental habits that when you notice that you are focusing on or feeding something that doesn’t feel good, you’ll have the real-time ability to reclaim your attention and shift your focus toward something more supportive.

What you look for, you will find. If you are looking for the bounty and wonder of life, you’ll find it, because your attention will make it come alive to you. You are worthy and loveable and I love that you are focusing on loving your beautiful self.