Some students ask me if affirmations for self-love work. I say, try them! If nothing else, they can help you to become more aware of how you feel about yourself.

Let’s work with one now and notice what happens when you say to yourself, “I love and approve of myself.”

Say it again. Notice if a doubting inner voice jumps right in to oppose what you have said. Saying affirmations isn’t only about feeling better, it is about becoming more self-aware and noticing what gets in the way of loving yourself.

You can say affirmations to yourself as you look into your own eyes in the mirror.  It sure beats the negative dialogue some of us automatically have with ourselves every time we pass a mirror or see our image reflected back to us in a window.  If you feel discomfort as you say these to yourself, stay with the sensations and continue the practice until you are fully able to experience loving yourself while gazing into your own eyes. See what gets in the way of loving yourself. You may find that some emotion arises, and when you simply bear witness, that emotion is released in the process.

These days, I find a way to gently sneak affirmations in and get around my more automatic critical inner voice. This new habit really took hold one day when I heard a love song on the radio. Instead of my usual feeling bad that I had no one to love or to love me, I sang along, singing the love song softly to myself. At first, it felt silly, but I did it anyway. And then it began to feel good.

Recently, an old favorite Billy Joel tune, “Just the Way You Are,” played on my car radio. I was in high school when I first heard the song. Back then I played it over and over again holed up in my bedroom, imagining someone singing it to me. But now as I sang it, I changed the pronouns and sang the words to myself. I was loving me, just the way I am. It made me realize how far I’d come from the young girl who was so desperate to have someone, anyone, tell her they loved her, just the way she was.

Choosing Affirmations:

• I am free, beautiful, and wise.
• The light in me is the same as the light in all beings.
• I am here for you.
• Love lives through me, as me, and calls me forth to live my greatest life.
• I lovingly accept myself as I am right now.
• I trust in my ability to take care of myself.
• I walk with a smile on my heart.
• The universe is conspiring to enlighten me.
• My evolution is undeniable.
• I am lovable just the way I am.
• I am kind, loving, and present.
• Life loves me.
• I take responsibility for my life and the way I see the world.
• I forgive myself when I make a mistake.
• I speak my truth.
• I choose nourishing relationships.
• I am healthy, whole, and loved.

Most affirmations are noted in the present moment and in a positive way. However, there can be affirmations that are stated as commitments that you intend to live by, almost like making a vow.  Some can be:

• I will never leave you.
• I shall not criticize myself.
• I shall not criticize others.
• I shall be kind to others without sacrificing my own needs.
• I shall regularly give thanks for all of my blessings.

How Affirmations Work:

There are so many ways that affirmations can be used powerfully and effectively to give you a more positive, creative outlook and to help you achieve specific goals.

Louise Hay, one of the first women to speak of the power of affirmations said, “When you begin to say an affirmation to yourself, all the negative messages come to the surface, and then you get to see what’s in your way of loving yourself.”

It’s an exploration. Notice any response or reaction you have when you say them to yourself. Become self-aware of those affirmations that seem impossible, or those you completely deny,  or those that bring an emotional response, and work with those.

When you use affirmations, you are rewiring your mindset. You are learning to see yourself and your behavior differently. With repetition, you are able to make the changes. What you put your attention on will grow in your life. Do not become attached to when and how they will manifest.

A word of caution: do not use this technique in such a way that you feel like you are contradicting your true feelings. Do not use it when you are feeling upset or strongly negative or it will feel like you are repressing your emotions. Instead, use affirmations to help yourself become aware of and change your unconscious negative speech patterns, mental habits, and underlying assumptions.

FYI: You already are everything you need; every improvement is just refinement.

When/How to Use Affirmations:

During the Day 

• Say them to yourself silently right before you meditate, or just as you are coming out of meditation.
• Say them to yourself silently or aloud throughout the day, whenever you think of it, especially while driving, doing housework, or other routine tasks. You can also say them to yourself before you go to bed, or when you wake up.
• Say them to yourself aloud while looking at yourself in the mirror. This is especially good for affirmations to improve your self-esteem and self-love. Look yourself right in the eyes and affirm your beauty, lovableness, and worthiness. If you feel uncomfortable, stick with it until you transcend the barriers and are able to fully experience looking at yourself and loving yourself. You may find that some emotion arises and is released through this process.
• Throughout your day turn your attention to your internal dialogue and notice what you say to yourself. How do you treat yourself? If you find you are not being self-compassionate, offset negative self-talk by saying affirmations. Practice saying the affirmations below (or any you like) silently or aloud to yourself as you look into your own eyes in a mirror.
• Be sure to say the affirmations sincerely and meaningfully, even if you feel a little silly at first.

Write them Out

• Write out an affirmation 10 or 20 times in succession, really thinking about the words as you write them. Change the affirmation as you go along if you think of better ways to say it.
• Write or type out affirmations and past them up in various places around your house or at your job as reminders. Good places are: on the refrigerator, your phone, your mirror, your desk, over your bed, on the dining table.

Invite a Friend to Help

• We often hear what our friends say more clearly than what we tell ourselves. Find a friend who wants to work on affirmations as well. Sit facing each other, look into each other’s eyes, and take turns saying affirmations to each other and accepting them. Repeat it this way several times.

Victoria: “Linda, you are a beautiful, loving, and creative person.”
Linda: “Thank you! I feel that way too.”
Repeat this 10 or 15 times the same way, then switch partners so that Linda says the affirmation to Victoria. Then try it in the first person:
Linda: “I, Linda, am a beautiful, loving, and creative person.”
Victoria: “Yes, you are, Linda.”

• Ask your friends to say affirmations to you frequently. For example, if you want to affirm that you are learning to express yourself more easily, you might ask a good friend to say to you often, “Juanita, you are certainly speaking out and expressing yourself clearly these days!”
• You can also ask them to catch you when you affirm something that isn’t helpful, such as some statements we habitually might make such as, “I’m so stupid.” “I’m a loser.” Etc.
• Include affirmations in your conversations – making strong positive statements about things and people (including yourself) that you want to see in a more positive way. It’s amazing what dramatic changes can be made in your life by just beginning to consciously speak more positively in daily conversation.
• Be sure you say “Thank you,” when someone gives you a compliment.

Singing and chanting

• Make a point of learning songs that affirm the reality you would like to create for yourself; listen to them and sing them often. A large part of our present consciousness has been formed by popular music which creates a reality in which we feel hopelessly dependent on our lover, would die if he left us, wonder if life is worth living if we can’t “have” a certain person, and so on.
• Make up your own songs or simple chants using the affirmations you want to work with.
• Record your affirmations and play them to yourself around the house, while driving, etc. Use your name, and try doing them in the first, second, and third persons. For example, “I, Sarah, am always deeply relaxed and centered in myself.” “Sarah, you are always deeply relaxed and centered in yourself.” “Sarah is always deeply relaxed and centered in herself.”

Affirmations are a great way to develop self-compassion. You can even imagine you are talking to yourself as a child and have that sweet caring attitude that you already offer to so many people and pets. You are worthy and loveable and I love that you are taking some time to love yourself.